...EXPECTING a blessing.

It's a rainy, cool, September day.  The "cozy potential" is quite high and so I decided to embrace the sweatshirt, indulge in a hot drink, am looking forward to an afternoon nap, and may even start a fire...but first let me return to blogging.  August came and went...although not lacking in adventure. A trip to Cleveland to work our business, my cousin's wedding in Virginia, family vacation at Raystown Lake, and a weekend in Chicago...with a 14 hour drive home after Hurricane Irene decided to rage and cause 5,000 canceled flights.

And all this time I've had a little secret.  A blessing that only a few knew about. A lil' bean in the belly that started it's life in June and now is 13 weeks old and about the size of a lime :)  I broke the silence this week and shared with the world our good news, and without giving every detail of our journey at this point, I felt compelled to to use this post as a reminder that God does still do miracles.  Whether you've ever experienced the heartache of longing for a child yet traveling down the long road of patiently waiting and many times being shoved in the face and kicked in the heart every single month with disappointment, or have suffered loss or just any heartache of any kind...I want to give testimony to God's grace, his favor, and His peace that does pass all understanding.  This means we may never understand...but we can always have peace.

After many years of trying, hoping, believing and praying I am overwhelmed by the goodness the Lord rained down on me and the way He protected my heart and preserved my spirit through it all.  I never once felt discouraged. Disappointed, yes...very. But I believed He was the giver of my desire to be a mother and that someway, somehow...He would fulfill that desire...and He did.  After so many months and years of doing my part and planning things out as perfectly as possible...without any success...I can only think that this was a miracle. Big or small...believe what you want to believe...I am choosing to let this answered prayer, this miracle if you will, permeate my heart and build my faith for the even "greater things that are yet to come".

About 8 months ago on a Sunday morning I was making brownies before church to take to a picnic and had music playing in the background.  An old, yet familiar song filled the room and made it's way into my heart that morning.  It's a song by Michael W. Smith...I'm not even sure what it's called, but the line that gripped me was "and every act of love will set you free".  Wow...how true.  No matter what hardship, pain, or discouragement we may be fighting...the way to break free from it's death grip is to LOVE.  Love other people, serve other people, search for ways to ACT in LOVE, cause it ultimately keeps us from looking inward and keeps us looking upward.  Tears just started pouring down my face as I realized how much He loved me, and how good He had been and would continue to be to me. At times unanswered prayers can cause us to build walls between ourselves and the Father, and ourselves and other people...but LOVE will literally be the footstool that will give you the boost to scale the wall and ultimately find yourself on the other side...where His plan is made perfect. Not our plan, but his.

I don't have intentions of sharing every journal entry I am writing to my child, but this first one written in August I will...may it be encouragement, and literally oxygen to the soul of anyone that needs to believe just one more time, or have faith, even that of a mustard seed restored.

August 2, 2011
Wow, I can hardly believe this is the first time I've really taken to journal since finding out you were mine...that you were growing inside of me, that my heart's desire and cry to the Lord was made a reality through you...my firstborn child. You are a miracle.  You are a gift from God, like every child is, but you are long awaited...and just as Hannah in the bible cried out and prayed for her son Samuel, I have cried out for you.  You are 8 weeks and 2 days old today.

At 6 weeks and 3 days I had an early ultrasound and it was the first glimpse i got of you. Your daddy was there too...and while he didn't say much I know his heart was overjoyed.  He texted all of your uncles...that's when I knew he was so excited.  I saw the flutter of your tiny heartbeat.  To be honest, even now it's almost hard to believe you are growing inside me, cause at this point there isn't any real physical indicator...but my heart is already bonding to yours...that's how I know you are really here.  That's how I know you are our Kairos child.  Auntie Holly gave this word the night I called to tell her that you were on your way.  They had been talking about this term in a class they were taking. Kairos means "the long awaited epic". This truly was  a Kairos conception and I believe you are a Kairos child! You have been given to us to love and care for...but you are the Lord's...and ever since looking at that positive pregnancy test, especially after looking at so many negative ones...I've given you back to the Lord.  You are mine here on earth, but you are HIS to do things of epic proportion in your lifetime.

I already feel so privileged to be your mom...I am weak, I am not perfect, I have made many mistakes, even since you've been conceived...but one thing that is PERFECT is my love for you. I love you so much already. You are my miracle...and truly a gfit that the Lord sent from heaven...because while after many test, medicines, diet changes, doctors appointments, blood work and the list could go on and on...the "odds" were against us the month you were conceived. It wasn't a month where i had been able to "arrange" all the right factors in effort to make you a reality...but isn't that just like our GOD?  He truly receives all the glory. It was Him making what seemed impossible a reality...because we know NOTHING is impossible with Him.

Twins have been spoken many times over the last few years, but at this point we suspect that there is only one...but if you end up being 2, my children, instead of just my child...my love is in double portions. We are grateful for the healthy life that is growing inside me. Chief (my dad) gave 2 words years ago in preparation for you. The words were FRAGRANCE & AROMA...you have already filled my life, my heart with a beautiful fragrance of joy. I know your life will be a fragrant offering, it will be so sweet, it will "smell" so different to every person you meet, engage with, and even walk by.  I know that the Lord is going to continue to reveal things to me about your life and these words of Kairos, fragrance and aroma in the following 7 months.

I love you so much. I am so grateful to be your mother. I can't wait to meet you.

Hugs & Kisses,
Mommy

"The Lord watches over his word to perform it."  Jeremiah 1:12

"You have granted me life and favor, and your providence has preserved my spirit." Job 10:12

Human Popsicle...a lil' story to help you beat the heat...

Wow, I have slacked. It's been almost a month since I've posted on my blog. I'm not real sure where the month of July went.  It just "evaporated" with the heat I suppose.  I got to thinking today about how fast time does go...and that before we know it, we'll blink and it will be time to put the Christmas tree up again.  That got me thinking about cold weather, which in all honesty, I'll take the heat any day over shoveling myself out of the driveway and wearing coats.  As hot as I've been over the last few weeks, I recently had a flashback to a time when I was just the opposite...and so maybe on this hot, humid July summer day, this little story will help you beat the heat.

I like getting the mail. Well usually. It was New Year's Eve so a few random Christmas cards were still arriving from those procrastinating friends (don't worry if that's you...been there, done that :)  Our mailbox was a little metal black box that was placed to the right of our front door, which meant you could open the door, lean out the door in your pj's, reach into the mailbox, and grab the mail without ever being "exposed".

So this particular late afternoon I realized we had not checked the mailbox for a few days. It was sure to be an armful so rather than doing the Cirque Du Soleil acrobatics routine or launching the "go-go gadget" arm, I walked outside and shut the door behind me.  We all know the latch our doors make when it shuts and then we all know there's a different sound when it latches AND locks.  Well my door made the second sound. It locked.  Shoot. I was sure it was unlocked. I quickly realized I had more immediate, greater concerns, like the fact that it was freezing outside and I was in a hoodie, daisy dukes (you know the ones you ONLY wear around the house) and my infamous pink slippers. I used to be an over reactor, a flipper outer, a quick crier...but I've learned a thing or two and so I chose to stay calm because surely the back door was open. Negative. Locked. Ok, what about a window, it wouldn't be the first time I hoisted myself up on the window ledge only to quickly shimmy through trying to avoid drawing attention to  the homeowner breaking into her own home.  But every single window I could reach was locked.  My cell phone was just inches away, but on the other side of the locked door and I really didn't want to bother any of my neighbors, who were all over 60, in my daisy dukes.

The originator of the Daisy Dukes...hahaha :)

Reagan and my nephew, Shannon were out running errands and so I convinced myself that they had to be home soon. Well soon never came and so in desperation I decided humiliation would be better than amputation from frost bite and I knocked on my neighbor's door.  They weren't home. New Year's Eve is not the best time to lock yourself out.  The only thing that was open was the garage door, and with the wind picking up I could at least avoid some of the elements by sitting inside the unheated garage.  I started rummaging through boxes that had been "cluttering" up the space looking for a coat, a sweatshirt, a hat...anything to add another layer.  And there it was...Reagan's old Kappa soccer coat. I made a mental note to NEVER get on his case about leaving "stuff" in the garage...this was God send.  I put on the coat, pulled up the hood, zipped it, scrunched my legs up under it, pulled my arms out of the sleeves and literally plopped myself down onto a cardboard box, which was better than my bum adhering to the concrete floor.  There were 2 small windows in the garage and with each minute the sun slipped down saying good-bye to the daylight and allowing the darkness to set in.  Minutes went by, hours went by. I listened intently for the engine of the car and the bright beam of the its headlights to pull in the driveway.  It seemed like forever. We had a party to go to in a few hours so...I tried to think about that for awhile.  I tried to think about what I would say to Reagan even though this wasn't his fault.  I tried to think about anything other than how stupid I felt and how cold I was.

Well forever finally ended when I heard the car doors slam.  They were home.  I was going to be rescued before turning into a human popsicle.  I pulled myself out of the fetal position and lifted the garage door, needless to say they were a little surprised to see me.  The minute I saw their faces I started to cry.  You know that overwhelming feeling of anger, stupidity, yet happiness all rolled up into one big erupting emotion...that's what I was experiencing.  After explaining what happened and realizing I only had about an hour until we had to leave, I stood in the scalding hot shower for 45 minutes...defrosting.

As I stood in the shower, the hot water pelting down my face I realized I had learned a few valuable lessons that night...
1. Don't ever wear daisy dukes...hahaha!
2. You're going to do stupid things, learn to laugh at yourself.
3. Locking your doors may keep intruders out...but it may keep you out too :)

Ok...that kind of oversimplifies things...

The real, more powerful thought I had was about locking the doors of our lives.  We've all done it, right? We've locked at least one or maybe multiple doors of our lives to our friends, family and maybe even God.  Locking yourself out of the those relationships will only leave you cold, tucked up in frustration and totally "sitting in the dark". Sometimes we don't mean to do it, just like I never intended to lock myself outside in the arctic temperatures that night.  But God is always there...even when we think we've locked Him out.  You can't run from Him, you can't hide from Him, you can't keep Him out, nor would you want to.  He will never disappoint. He loves you unconditionally and His love is a constant warm, safe place to live.  I've found His love to "dethaw" me...from any "cold" thing that has ever tried to consume me. 

As far as people go...I've locked people out before to avoid disappointment, or in attempt to keep my distance so there's no chance for rejection...because people will fail us from time to time, they will let us down, but there is no reward in locking people out.  I come in contact with a lot of people through the business that I run and someone once asked me, "What's the hardest part of doing what you do?" Without hesitation I responded by telling them that the most frustrating thing is also the most rewarding thing and that's...the people.  Frustrating at times or not, people and relationships are truly a great reward in our lives if we see them that way.  It takes courage to see the best in people, see all their potential and maybe even believe in them more than they believe in themselves...because in turn they don't always do all that you know they could, but that should never keep us from believing in them and the things they do choose to do or keep us from believing in the next person that crosses our path.  It's worth sticking out your hand one more time, trusting one more time, loving one more time, and taking the chance of making a new best friend one more time...you know the person that will tell you that your lips are still blue :)

Later that night after finally arriving at the party, I still wasn't quite my usual chipper self.  My core temperature was still too low. No matter how many wool sweaters I piled on, nothing was heating my bones.  I mingled and tried not to say much in fear my teeth would chatter...but my lips wouldn't lie.  They were bright blue, even hours after being rescued from the igloo...I mean garage.  One of my best friends, Tara, sweetly brought this to my attention.  "Carey your lips are bright blue...are you ok?"  For the first time all day I started to laugh and before long I was hysterically reenacting the entire experience. 

So take it from me, don't lock yourself out of your own home, or any home for that matter in the middle of winter...hahaha...and don't lock yourself or your heart away either.  Most important keep the door of your heart open to your Father in heaven and to all those that will come knocking throughout your lifetime.  Just remember...no locking...just lots of LOVING.

When I walk in LOVE God is present.

1 John 4:12

fash·ion·is·ta

fash·ion·is·ta

noun \ˌfa-shə-ˈnēs-tə\

Definition of FASHIONISTA

: a designer, promoter, or follower of the latest fashions

I am a self proclaimed fashionista. I will be completely transparent...I probably shop too much (if that's possible), have way too many clothes, and have piles of InStyle magazines stashed around my house...consequently none of these things necessarily make you a fashionista. So what makes a person a fashionista besides the formal definition above?  A fashionista is someone who ROCKS THEIR OWN STYLE.  But be prepared for some kick back.  I've been questioned a time or two about whether or not that was a necklace I was wearing or Betty Rubble costume jewelry, or if a black dress with a brown scarf really "worked".  When you are a self proclaimed fashionista you have to be prepared for the self proclaimed "Fashion Police" to arrive on occassion.  

You don't have to be a designer for Chanel or a promoter of Gucci to be a fashionista.  Everyday you look into your closet and design with your wardrobe what you will look like that day. This in turn promotes a certain style to the world and maybe, just maybe, grabs someone's attention and you start a new trend...fashionista AND trendsetter...impressive. 

I'm no Rebecca Bloomburg (Confessions of a Shopaholic) or Andy Sachs (The Devil Wears Prada).I haven't joined a Shoppers Anonymous group and I definitely don't work for Miranda Preistly at Runway...but even if you think you might be a fashionista...you should check them out on your next movie night :)

So all definitions aside....here are a few "tips" that I've put together and my next blog post will be a second installment of my "HOW TO" series which outlines how to mix and match...basically making multiple outfits from just a few articles of clothing. This can be especially helpful when you are packing for a summer vacay..so stay posted :)

FASHIONISTA 101

1. Charles Gordy reminds us that, "A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks." So smile- it looks good and doesn't cost a thing :)

2. Wear heels because they make every pair of legs look longer.

3. Wear flats because they are comfortable and give your bunions a break :)

4. Buy clothes that fit.  Too small is scary and too big means your hiding.

5. Have a "go to" piece of clothing for the days where nothing is working.

6. If you haven't worn it in 6 months get rid of it.

7. It's not necessary to be matchy matchy. You do not need to have your shoes, handbags or belt matching. Matchy-matchy honestly can add at least 20 years to your look.

8. Don't be afraid to buy from a second hand store.  I bought a Nanette Lepore cardigan at a consignment shop the other day. It's not about where it's been, it's about where you can take it :)

9. Don't be afraid to buy from Nordstroms (etc.)...you'll never regret quality...that never goes out of style.

10. Attempt to make your looks effortless, meaning it never looks like you tried too hard. It's you.

11.Share clothes with responsible friends- it could double your wardrobe :)

12. Or if sharing hasn't gone well in the past, hold a clothes swap. One person's trash is another person's treasure!

13. Bad hair can = bad days. Don't skip on the hair...it's worth the money you may loose in the wardrobe budget.

14. Wear a cami under everything...it will change your life.

15. Accessorize- an inexpensive necklace, earrings, scarf or hat can change the outfit in an instant.

16.  Own more tops than bottoms. People will notice your top half more than your bottom half.

17.  Rock your own style. If you like it...WEAR IT!

I Made My Dad...A Dad

As I was browsing through an old scrapbook that my mom made and gave me upon graduating from high school, one particular page brought a tear to my eye and captured my heart considering it is Father's Day. I got to thinking about the fact that I got to make my dad, a dad.  The day I was born everything changed...he forever became a father, not just a son, husband or friend...but a daddy. But back to the scrapbook. The title of this page was, "RUN FOR FUN", and it contained 2 ribbons, a newspaper clipping, a short "remember when" story written by my mom, and the most amazing picture of my dad and his three girls...holding our trophies proudly after a summer of "Run for Fun" races. 

The newspaper clipping was printed in 1981. It highlighted a 2 mile cross country "Run for Fun" race where my dad came in third with a time of 11:35. I was later mentioned in the list of kids that ran the 1 mile race. I was just 3 years old with a time of 16:35 :)  The two ribbons had dates of 1983 and 1984, all races I was now running with my little sisters.  But it was the story that warmed my heart, gave me a whole truckload of parenting advice, and reminded me that I absolutely had and have the BEST dad.  Here is the story/excerpt from my scrapbook:


"I (my mom) remember a race Dad went to at Greencastle High School where they decided to run a 400 meter race for the kids.  You and another boy were the only ones brave enough to accept the challenge. Dad said the boy looked confident that he could beat a dumb 9 year old girl, but Dad also said that you had that determined look in your eye and when the gun went off that boy was eating your dust, your pony tail flying straight back in the wind!! Dad was ecstatic. We heard that story 100 times over the next few weeks. You've never lost that determined spirit and I pray you never will."


Wow, I just sat there staring at the picture, tears rolling down my cheeks. Like a movie, my mind went into rewind and started replaying all the moments, the memories, the distinct opportunities where my Dad made more than just an impact on me, but he literally molded me into the person I am today.  I know for a fact that he encouraged me to run that 400 meter race that day.  I know he told me I was awesome, I could do it and that I could beat that boy.  I know he laid all inhibitions aside as he stood on that gravel track and cheered like a maniac for his little girl.  I know he scooped me up, gave me a huge hug, and smiled at me not with just his mouth but with his sparkling blue eyes as well.  I know he made me feel like a superstar, because with every retelling of the "story" I was reminded of how proud he really was. 


What if this scenario from my past had gone different? What if he had not even taken me with him that day? What if he never gave me the nudge to step out among all the other kids and run the race? What if he hadn't believed in me, cheered for me, or told me I could do it?  What other opportunities, challenges, "races" if you will, would I have chosen not to run in the future if it had not been for my Dad?  Determination in a 6 year old translates into a determined 13, 20, and 33 year old.  Fear, unless uprooted, translates into a fearful 13, 20, and 33 year old. My dad understood that his children were the only "natural resource" he could take with him. He understood we were a treasure on earth that would lead to generations and multitudes of others in heaven someday...and so he protected and valued this "treasure", us, like the irreplaceable natural resource it was.


My dad never had a hefty stock portfolio, but one immense investment he did make was into me, my siblings and honestly anyone else that was in need of a Father.  I remember the discussion we had while sitting at the end of my bed where he encouraged me to try a new sport, or all the nights before the first day of school that he reminded us of two things, sit in the front and be nice to the kids no one else will be nice to.  I remember him chasing us around the house playing a made up game called "Better Run Better Run", and swinging us around in a sleeping bag.  I remember seeing him and my mom kneeled by their bed every single night saying their prayers.  I remember him sitting in his chair for hours, sorting through a plastic baggy of bible verses, focused...committing them to memory.  I remember when he on the spur of the moment came to help me pick up a love seat that I found at a garage sale (this was huge considering I probably interrupted something he was working on, because he's always working and taking breaks is not his style...interestingly enough, it's not mine either :) And who could forget the time he spoke during chapel at LMH and to "wrap up" his talk, he flexed his muscles...seriously, what a legend! 


The list could go on and on...taking us to the rescue mission to serve food and sing songs to the homeless, picking up hitchhikers and bringing them to dinner (another blog post for another time), building an underground house and then humbly saying "good-bye" to it in order to say "hello" to a new calling of pastoring a church.  I mean construction worker turned pastor...not the most likely career change.  Driving bus and passing out candy every Friday, creating the world's largest bobsled track in the backyard, fostering good dental hygiene by brushing his own teeth for like 10 minutes or until the foam reached his elbow, establishing chocolate chips as a new food group, promising to scare off boyfriends with a baseball bat, but upon meeting them being the most genuinely kind person you could ever come in contact with, locking the doors every night before going to bed, working his guts out to provide, hitting a man on a motorcycle with his bus...but making it up to him by letting him live in our basement for months, cutting off his own cast, being the most incredible CHIEF (grandfather) any kid could ever have, and loving people more than they thought was humanly possible. WOW, what a man...what a dad. 

That's it...I'm calling Webster, because truly the name Randy Martin should be found beside the definition of FATHER in the dictionary. I love you Dad! I loved you as a child, a teen, and now as an adult...today with greater appreciation than ever...and someday as a parent I can only imagine the gratitude I will have for the responsibility you took to raise a family that would one day rise up and call you blessed...and that you are.

"My children rise up and call me blessed. " Proverbs 31:28

"Children's children are the crown of

old men, and the glory of

children is their father."

Proverbs 17:6

Cinderella had a Swarovski Slipper

Cinderella had a Swarovski slipper. I glanced down to see bare feet and chipped nail polish. Cinderella had a pumpkin that turned into a carriage, and based on that little transformation I figured anything was possible, right? I squinted out the window. Nope, the old "sled" was parked where I left it.  Cinderella had a fairy god mother. Hello...anyone there? Silence.  She must be busy.  Cinderella had retired from the scullery. I was still unloading the dishwasher. Cinderella had Prince Charming. I had a husband. 

We were still newlyweds. Reagan and I had been married for maybe 8 months...long enough for the school loans to appear in the mailbox after the generous 6 month "grace" period concluded.  We had dated forever...since high school. We were engaged for longer than forever, and that summer our dream had come true...we were finally married! On June 17, 2000 I was Cinderella and he was Prince Charming.  We were embarking on our very own fairytale, living under the same roof, making 2 incomes, buying furniture, hosting barbeques...you know being really grown up.  But here we were 8 months later and I wasn't feeling so much like Cinderella anymore.  Yes, there were 2 incomes, but there were also 2 sets of debt.  Those last few months of college had been rough for "Prince Charming". He ran out of money...but hey there was always plastic...you know buy now, pay later...and we were paying alright!  Our castle was an 800 square foot apartment with walls that felt like they were closing in every day.  I was teaching, he was playing pro soccer and needless to say "Cinderella" was going one direction and "Prince Charming" was going another.

So that night as I unloaded the dishwasher and sobbed because our checkbook balance read less than $50.00, I wasn't feeling very confident that this fairytale was going to have a happy ending.  No, I'm not talking about divorce. Divorce never crossed my mind, we loved each other.  It was just this devasting realization that we were living LIFE together not a fairytale.  It wasn't easy. It wasn't perfect, like I imagined.  I knew I had said for better or for worse...but when you are standing there looking at one another on your wedding day it's hard to see beyond the big dress and the bowtie (as you can see from the pictures, I'm speaking quite literally :).

But as I put the last glass away, shut the cupboard door and slowly slid my back down the refrigerator and rested on the floor, I looked at the ring on my left hand.  I remembered what it meant. It meant I was his. No matter what dreadful balance was on the ATM slip, how small our apartment was, or how many more soccer games I would have to endure, I was his.  He chose me.  He chose me to live this life with. He chose me to be his Cinderella not just on our wedding day when I felt like one, but he also chose the girl that scrubbed the floors and picked up his dirty underwear.  I woke up and realized right then and there that we had to live beyond the fantasy and walk each day of this fairytale called "Life" out.  In a book called Wild At Heart, author John Eldridge describes a man's desire to have a battle to fight and a beauty to win.  And the beauty, that's you, does want to be won, but we can't merely stow away in the tower.  We have to leap on the back of that white horse and hold on tight to our Prince.  We have to slay the dragons of selfishness, ward off the darkness of temptation that creeps in, and ride resiliently through the forest, dodging the branches to escape the jaws of mediocrity that want to eat us up, that want to make us another statistic, that want us to be like the rest of the world.

I also couldn't forget that I had chosen him. I couldn't forget that I had promised forever. I needed to change my attitude from the "I have to love him" attitude to the "I get to love him" attitude.  I needed to see my husband for the man I knew he could be, but love him for the man he was right now. I needed to be his beauty...a woman that depended on him, and yet could stand on my own two feet. I know this sounds contradictory, but it's not.  Your husband, like mine wants to take care of you, but that requires a willingness on your part.  Personally, I have an incredibly independent spirit...Im a go-getter type if you will. I can get things done, many times on my own...but that's not what either of us signed up for.  We decided to forgo our individual sports to play the team sport of marriage.  I had to learn to let him lead me, and I anticipate this will be a stretching statement for some, but I decided to be one of his best students. I could learn from him, follow him...I could (brace yourself here comes that despised word) SUBMIT to him. I could submit to him when I learned that submission didn't mean I was robbed of an opinion, it just meant I was not going to be in rebellion.  Ladies, it such an incredibly peaceful way to live your life.  It releases the straps of those ginormous bags of stress that we were never meant to carry.

But a man also appreciates a capable woman, a woman that has her own backbone, a woman that can think and make decisions.  Do I like taking the trash out? No. Do I like taking my car for an oil change? No.  But can it do it? YES!  I'm not suggesting that you're less of a wife if you aren't willing to take the trash out or whip into Jiffy Lube for an oil change, but what I am suggesting is doing what needs to be done.  Reagan and I have the privilege of running our own business together, and while we do each have individual roles we are also both 100% partners. You've probably heard the story of the two Clydesdale horses. Each horse can pull a 2 ton wagon, so naturally you would assume when hitched together they could pull a 4 ton wagon...but you're wrong.  Together they can pull up to 10 tons.  They are better together.  You have to stay hitched together, you have to run together in every pursuit, whether it be marriage, business, raising a family, or building a ministry.  I wanted my husband to be confident in my abilities, trust my instincts and most of all be proud to call me his wife.

Furthermore, I could not forget that on that sunny, humid June day when we said our marriage vows we also invited the Holy Spirit to be the tie that bound us.  And if we get back to the Cinderella story, whether you are married, have a desire to be married, or are happily single at the moment, you have someone far greater than a fairy god mother on your side. You have a Father in heaven that loves you, sent His son Jesus to die for you, and left His Holy Spirit here to lead, guide, and direct you.  He is not waving a wand around saying magical words...He doesn't operate that way. He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords...He is all knowing and always present, and He created within us the ability to choose.  He wants us to choose him because He has already chosen us and let me promise you one thing, no matter what your slipper size, His slipper that He desires to place on yor foot will fit every time!  That slipper is His love, a love so great that once we choose to accept it every sin is erased. A love so great that it's all we really need. It conquers every giant, every dragon, every evil that that will ever try to pursue your heart, your marriage, your family, your life. 

His LOVE heals, His LOVE forgives, His LOVE releases authority and is the source of ALL joy. And I would say that is a very happy ending.

So here's to 11 years of marriage to my "Prince Charming".  I'm so glad we have a battle to fight together and thank you for making me your beauty to be won.  You continue to win my heart every day with your love, your generosity, your passion and your commitment to me, our future, and the calling the Lord has put on your life.  You've always made me feel so needed...from the days in our freshman year of high school being your human "Cliff Notes" to the boxes of handwritten letters confessing your undying love in college...and of course today, 11 years later your dependence on my ability to find everything you are in search of :)  We have something beautiful together and like a fine wine...it just gets better and is worth an even greater price with age. So here's to many more years of leading, laughing, loving and riding off into the sunset together.  I LOVE YOU!

One of those weeks...

"You have granted me life and favor, and your providence has PRESERVED my SPIRIT." Job 10:12

A few nights ago a friend locked his keys in his car.  Someone suggested a crow bar, someone else responded to the incident by generously offering their Triple A card.  Most of us continued to watch the NBA Finals.  But in what seemed like the blink of an eye, Onel returned into the house, with keys in hand to round up the kids to head home.  That was fast.  Either the crow bar took the entire door off or was used to break a window with intentions of going Dukes of Hazard style or Triple A was hustling more than the Miami Heat happened to be that night...because WOW... that was fast. But it was neither. Onel chuckled and explained that our other friend Josh went out to the car, prayed that it would open and with the gentle pull of the door handle it opened! The Lord intervened in one of those hum drum annoying situations of life and proved once again that He's willing and wanting to take care of the big things and the little things in life. 


I of course was stoked...and kind of jokingly said, "Josh, I've got a few things you can pray for. "  Everyone laughed...but the more I got thinking about it...what a lesson to be learned.  Why in our humanness, our small unexpecting minds do our independent spirits rise up and we try to be our own first line of defense?  We try to take care of things ourselves. We try to fix things, mend things, repair things...whether they be a broken ice maker or a broken heart.  Don't get me wrong...we've been given the ability to use our God-given minds to think through and take care of situations, and of course He lives inside us and asks us to support and love one another through tough times...but it really got me thinking about whether or not I've been putting on the armor (Ephesians 6:10-17) that the Lord has provided me with and asked him to be the bearer of my heavy load. Or have I been aimlessly trudging through the battle ground called life, armor less...just dodging every landmine possible? Quickly this question was put to the test...


It's been one of those weeks...one of those weeks where your patience is tested, your positive attitude is stretched till it feels like it can't be stretched anymore and you are hit square between the eyes with the question of, "Will I rise above the little things?" For instance, we've officially made one of our spare rooms our "summer home" because our bedroom in the attic is an actual sauna...walk up 2 stairs and you are standing in a pool of your own sweat.  We obviously need to have some air conditioning rigged up somehow in those cute, quaint, but totally impractical windows in our bedroom...annoying when you are not handy and can't just do it yourself.  As well this week, my car decided to blow a belt, my ice maker kicked the bucket, the sub pump in the basement stopped working which caused flooding, the electricity went out, my cat peed on the couch twice, and someones little fingers decided to pull the keys off my computer.  FABULOUS...all of it just fabulous!  It's one of those weeks where you feel like if you turn around to one more little mishap you may be driven to tears (because a few have already leaked once or twice).


But this is life...and truly these have been just little things...but remember God wants to meet us in ALL things, big or small. He wants to meet us....that means we need to make time for Him. If a friend wants to meet we'll jump in our car and head straight to FIVEBUCKS... I mean STARBUCKS. But sometimes when God wants to meet we have another load of laundry to do, or an e-mail to answer or a cat to kill (kidding...just pee to clean up :)  My brother shared a few weeks ago a quote that read, "Praying and reading God's word may or may not strengthen you. BUT talking to GOD and meditating on His word will ALWAYS strengthen you."    How true.  We so often look at each other's lives and jump to conclusions, many times assuming things are just "perfect" for someone else, because as they say the "grass is always greener on the other side".  And even as frustrated as I get with those that like to constantly make their life mishaps news worthy across Facebook the fact of the matter is life happens to all of us.  It's how we handle it that makes all the difference.  Will we go to God first? Have I talked to Him about the big things and the little things?  Have I let His word be my guide and my strength? 


So I believe I made it quite obvious that my life's not perfect.  There's a laundry list of things I could have done without this week... and just like you I have some of those "big" things too- those unanswered prayers...those tough questions, but put HIM on the front lines of those battles as well. Armor up...meet Him and let Him give you the game plan, and know like the verse in Job says, He will give you life, He will give you favor, and my favorite part HIS PROVIDENCE, His ways, WILL PRESERVE your spirit.  No one's life is perfect, but every one's life does have purpose...and believe it or not all those little imperfections tend to play their part in our purpose.  The imperfections do not define us, but they do spur us on to greater heights as we RISE above them. Take an airplane for instance... it's critical for the plane to be "pressurized" in order to fly at high altitudes...just as life's pressures give us the opportunity to soar as well. So while the water dries up in the basement and the Gorilla Glue works it's magic on the keys of the computer...take every thought captive and bring your mind back to the greater things and how HE uses EVERYTHING according to His purpose. 


...and while being thankful in all circumstances... a friend suggested that after this week I consider, getting a horse, using ice trays, creating an indoor swimming pool in my basement, saving on the electric bill and going "Amish style", and throwing the cat and the couch in the garbage. Hmmm...

Dumper or Dumpee...that is the question.

So yesterday, while traveling to Erie, PA and back with 3 of my best friends, we had 12 hours to cover every topic imaginable...and that we did. And while I truly love them each the same, I couldn't have picked 3 more different, or so I thought, people to put in the car with me.  Here's a lil' piece of each of their stories...and the "thing" I discovered they all had in common :)

Me, Luz, Michelle & Rachel

Michelle is homegrown...in Lancaster that is.  She married her "Italian Stallion"...Johnny, which meant she sacrificed and went from being a BENDER to the more exotic LOCICERO the day she said " I DO".  They meet at  a James Madison University football tailgating party and she was smitten with his luscious locks (10 inches of which were later donated to Locks of Love) and his skinny legs...both attributes she today prays her future children will inherit.  He charmingly gave her his number while attempting to drive away the classic over zealous, drunk fraternity brother that was seemingly also interested in Michelle...knowing his rescue efforts might score him a date. And that it did...a romantic one...a trip to the theater to see SAW II...LOL!

Luz, was born in Puerto Rico...her beautiful accent still fastens itself to every English word.  She went from being a Rivera to a Garcia after dating her brother's best friend Onel for many years.  We found out that their long term relationship that eventually lead to marriage did not come without some break-ups, fights, and the ultimate deal sealer...the transitional, psycho significant other that drives you back to one another, which they both had simultaneously at one point :)  Luz went to Penn State, with Onel eventually following her to Happy Valley, not as a student, but to work and live there and definitely would agree to it being four really FUN years :)  And today they are amazing parents to their equally amazing mini-me's Janice and Onelito (little Onel). 

Rachel, who is from the wild west...Nebraska, was the only single girl in the car last night, which is always fun, because what friend doesn't like being the live version of eharmony and playing matchmaker. She is still looking for her "fish" in the great big sea, that may not be the best analogy...but we know that she will find him because she is a true "catch" with a heart of gold and a background in Kitchen Management...this makes her absolute future "wifey for lifey" material :)  Although after hearing a few of her stories, I became more cautious of my speed...because with Rachel in the car our chances of being pulled over increased greatly once we found out she has been a law enforcement "magnet" once or twice in her life...and I'm not referring to her bad driving record...but what I am referring to is her ability to get the "sirens roaring" of a few police officers in the past. (I'm trusting you are picking up what I'm laying down :)

So after many laughs and stories of first loves, what we thought were real loves and then of course true loves I popped the ultimate question.  Are you a DUMPER or a DUMPEE?  I think this would make for a most interesting case study.  What about you?  Did you do the dumping or were you the one to always get dumped?  Is there a pattern to this?  Does it depend on your personality?  Why did you tend to dump...and why did you always get dumped?  So a poll was taken while cruising down the turnpike and it turned out to be a 3 to 1 ratio.  Three DUMPERS to one DUMPEE.  And as different as I thought my three friends were...I came to find out that they all had this one thing in common...they were all DUMPERS.  I was the only lonely DUMPEE.

It never failed...of the few boyfriends I had before Reagan, who I married...I always got dumped.  When I loved...I loved big.  Maybe I was too naive to see my destructive behavior...but I really don't think I followed in the footsteps of Andy Anderson (the character in HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS). I never brought them love ferns, or matching shirts...I mean I'll admit to making a a corny homemade card or two (maybe this was my downfall) ...but why? 

Why was I always the DUMPEE?  Sometimes I got dumped because there was a better "prospect" on the horizon, and one time I was even told I was too "good"...like he was at least honest and said he was looking to travel down a more unwholesome road and just knew I wouldn't be up for the ride.  Respectable in some twisted way I suppose?  And then there was Reagan, who of course I ended up winning back and marrying, but not with out being dumped at least once for maybe not another girl (or at least one he was willing to admit to) but to soccer...that might have been even worse...LOL :)  Either way at the end of my relationships, being the dumpee I was, I should have wised up and taken stock out in tissues...because for a few days after a heart to heart with my boyfriend turned DUMPER, I'd stow away in my teal colored bedroom, and shed a few tears while listening to FIREHOUSE and torturing myself with past memories.  But I'd always get back up again after giving a self diagnosis of being a hopeless romantic...committed, loyal and a believer in long love ;)

So understandably I had questions for my DUMPER friends.  Why did you always dump? Well I came to find out it was usually because they got annoyed with the them, found out something disturbing through the "grapevine" about the guy...or sometimes it was because they were getting the "vibe" that a break-up was coming down the pike and so they decided to do it first! Genius! Why didn't I ever think of this?  Because I could never see it coming.  I had those darn "rose colored" glasses on. Idiot...lol. Being the dumper kept them in control, protected their hearts, and kept them from wasting their time...based on the fact that they saw the relationship was going no where.  Interesting. 

I'm not sure that we came to any great discoveries or conclusions...and a case study was most definitely not completed based only on the experiences of 4 gals...but the infamous question did lead to a lot of great laughs, some never before heard stories, and overall a gratefulness for all the people that we have each crossed paths with, some just making a small imprint into our hearts and others who have stolen them forever.  Relationships are truly what makes the world go round...they define life's most tragic and most wonderful moments and in efforts to keep this blog posting "light"...we know this all to be true because in the words of Justin Beiber...everyone needs "somebody to love" :)