When does the fact that you are a mother really become a reality? Is it when you see the positive pregnancy test? How about when you feel the first little flutter in your womb? Is it when the "bump" makes its debut? Maybe it's after hearing the heartbeat a few times or having a baby shower? What about when you glance in your back seat and see a car seat? Being that I only have 8 weeks to go, and have experienced "all of the above"...I'm convinced that reality will not set in until I have my little lovie in my arms. When we are face to face for the very first time. Truth is the hospital is still kinda "cushy"...REALity will set in a few weeks from now when it's 3:30 am and I'm being beckoned by a "sweet" lil' cry that translates into "Mom, I'm ready for my feeding frenzy". Lord have mercy on me. I've only known 33 years of uninterrupted sleep...give me grace.
Don't get me wrong...with each passing day my excitement and anticipation grows...along with my belly that in my minds eye never got bigger than what it currently is. I'm FULLY aware that I'm in my 8th month of being pregnant. It's undeniable. It's been a blessed experience. I mean who can complain about going from a 32B to a 32D? LOL. I was in shock that day standing in the dressing room at VS. I was actually speechless when the kind little Asian girl assisting me suggested such a size. She chuckled. I warned her that hell may freeze over and that if I was one of those "too much information" people on Facebook, which I assured her I wasn't, this would certainly prove to be a worthy status update. I'm also typically a two step kind of gal...meaning I take two steps at a time when going up the stairs...well yeah, that doesn't work real well anymore...the belly kind of gets in the way. Let's see what else? Just over the weekend I broke down and got a step stool to provide a little boost into our bed that sits very high off the floor. I figured that getting a running start on a high jump into bed could induce early labor...no need for that. While I haven't had any cravings I am constantly thirsty, especially at night. Last week I finally cleaned off my nightstand that housed about 10 empty water bottles...which has effected the toilet paper consumption as well. I always have to pea a lot...but it's almost out of hand at this point and I'm now fully capable of sleep walking to the bathroom at least 2 times a night. Dreams are another heightened experience. Even before being pregnant I had vivid dreams...but these days...WOW...they play out like HD movies every single night. Unfortunately I still haven't figured out how to stay asleep until the good part actually happens. Darn. I'm still hitting the gym, not without a few funny looks of course. But who can blame them? I've mostly been biking and it's a true case of big belly on little bike...haha :) But why not? And I have been taking it a little easier these days, considering my belly at times becomes literally as hard as a concrete slab...I'm told they are Braxton Hicks. Now if I can only get my actual abs that hard after baby makes his or her debut :)
I've learned that every one's experience is different. All I know is I want to give testimony to the fact that I haven't had one negative pregnancy side effect. Honest. And I'm not sure if I've experienced all the positives...you know the luscious locks, glowing skin...and well, yes I did cover the fact that I may look a little more "womanly" as opposed to someone needing only a training bra...but as I mentioned...this experience has been blessed.
At my shower this past weekend I was given a onsie that says, "I was worth the wait"...and how true that is. This whole thing has been worth the wait. Not to say that someone who gets pregnant by practically just looking at their spouse doesn't appreciate the experience, not at all...I'm only living my story and can only speak from my point of view. I believed for years with every fiber of my body that God would not only hear, but answer my prayers to have a child. I grasped so tightly to the fact that HIS promises are true and that He would carry my good work of being a mother on to completion. I'm 8 weeks away from that good work being complete, but in reality that's only where it begins. I am humbled daily when I ponder over the responsibility, the trust, the reward He has given me to be this child's mama.
I've kept a pretty consistent journal...just a simple update every few weeks. Whether or not this little kiddo will appreciate the words of my heart put onto paper...I know it's been special for me to look back...making every effort to not take even one little thing for granted. Here is a quick excerpt from week 23...
"I've been thinking so much about what you might look like. The only thing I'm sure of is big blue eyes...that much I know for sure. I can't wait to hold you and look into your eyes. I have a feeling that your eyes will be something that many will mention. Not just because they will be captivating to look at, but because they will truly be the window in which to see the beautiful spirit God has given you.
1 Peter 5:9, " I am rooted, established, strong, immovable, and determined."
With all my heart,
Because days, weeks and months pass with a blink of an eye...truth is my little love will be here in moments. I have had some life changing experiences...but I'm pretty sure this will be the most dramatic of them all. I'm pretty sure it will be the most challenging, yet most AMAZING. It may not all seem like reality yet, but my heart is thankful. I may not be 100% ready...who is? But my heart is so in LOVE.
As I've said before...this child is my miracle...and with this breakthrough I have committed to believing, praying and speaking the greater things that are yet to come for many dear friends that are longing for their little love. It is done. Because as 1 Peter 5:9 described...I am rooted, established, strong, immovable and determined...in my resolve to see many more miracles.
This past weekend I was overwhelmed with the love and generosity of many friends and family at my "Wintry Woodland" shower. I was truly "showered" with so many amazing gifts...and now having fun doing what I love to do...organizing it all. Paint is finally finished, crib goes up tomorrow, other furniture was ordered today...this thing is coming together...haha! I'll keep you "posted" on the progress and thought you might enjoy getting a sneak peek at a few things :)
|"Wintry Woodland" Shower...January 14th, 2011|
|it's finally become a changing table :)|
|a new nursery friend :)|
|a lovely mug given to me...a reminder to take time to relax :)|
|a self gift..picked out my own diaper bag :)|
|believe it or not...this is the only clothing i've bought so far...that will change REAL soon :)|
|diaper stash...this will last, what? a day or two? :)|
|the lotion/body wash stock pile...perfect for a mommy that's obsessed with smelling good :)|
|...i hear these are some favorites.|
|...add to the laundry pile|
|2 handmade blankets...made by special friends.|
|babies first uggs...and those juicy pacifiers, well i've had them for years. it's the one thing i bought that i never gave as a gift, but kept for myself. although if it's a boy...we may be a little out of luck :)|
|stuffed animals that have been hanging out in the closet for awhile...just waiting to come|
out to play :)
|baby hangers...wow we're going to need a lot more of these!|
Thanks for coming along on this journey that is just getting started. One of my greatest feats and most honorable endeavors to date...and to celebrate I'm eating an ice cream sandwich at 11:30 pm. Cheers!